First Year UQ Student Under the Illusion that Making Fun of QUT is Still a Thing

Several UQ students are reportedly planning an intervention for 17-year-old Holly, who believes that QUT inferiority memes are still cool in 2018.

Many sources have stated that Holly’s infatuation for the University of Queensland stemmed from her 5 years at an elite, inner city-private school. While there, many staff members adopted Holly into the cult, claiming that UQ’s 100 plus year history is way more important than the actual results of a university.

A former staff member, who chose to remain unnamed, wrote in the following:

“They’re indoctrinated young. In year 8, they’re taught about sandstone. Year 9, ibises. It gets so bad, that by year 12, the only colors their soulless eyes would ever be exposed to are purple and gold”

However, while there are many situations like Holly, many UQ students are trying to get it through that after a year, people are too lazy and busy to worry about what’s going on at QUT.

When asked to show the contents of her phone, members of the UQ community were astounded to find that her addiction had become worse than they had first thought. Along with over 40 photos of the Great Court, over 400 memes detailing why UQ is better, as well as an array of arguments over older friends.

A former boyfriend, Samuel, blamed the UQ obsession over their breakup.

“She spent more time in the law library than she did with me. Our fights were bad”. When pressed on the fights, Samuel said little but did give an indication of the severity.
“Damn. I haven’t seen a fight that bad since the Socialist Alternative cornered a bunch of white, stereotypical law students”

In response to this, students at QUT were surveyed about their feelings towards the attitude of Holly and other UQ first years. 13% came back with “why do I care?”, a further 35% said “ahhh, those pricks”, while the remaining 52% simply claimed, “Look, if you’re a protestor can you just fuck off already”.

Every day, people like Holly suffer. If you or anyone you know is suffering from “UQ bias”, please get help. Unless you’re an arts student cause there’s no hope for you.

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