For many students, the consumption of caffeine is a daily ritual. For some, it is so sacred that were a shortage of caffeine ever to happen, the nation would split faster than the soul of every person at the end of Infinity Wars. Yet today, many claim a student has taken this addiction too far. A ground-breaking moment has happened today as Sarah, 21, purchased her 4th coffee of the day.
This action wasn’t lost on everyone though. The barista who served her claims that this was one of the saddest things she’s witnessed.
“I have seen girls being left out to dry on dates. I’ve seen first years excited about coffee at a library. I have served hungover students and even more hungover lecturers. But this…this is just too far”
Sources close to Sarah say that the sudden influx of coffee is a combination of her having an assignment due tomorrow, being recently single, and finally, being a trendy liberal hipster who couldn’t get into the University of Melbourne.
However, others involved in the situation have speculated the judgement was much more serious. Sources say that Sarah asked for 2 additional shots in each coffee, a social crime one must never commit.
“1 is for the wakeup shot, 2 if for the taste. After 2, you might as well just go to hardcore drugs to wake you up.” Said Bryan, aged 19
“She’s has 4 coffees, with 4 shots. That’s 9 shots” said Logan native, Michael. “What if the coffee cows run dry?” he continued.
Sources close to Sarah say that she was seen slowly sobbing in the library as she realised her women’s studies course was nothing but a crock of shit. We have reached out to Sarah for comment but has not responded.