As week 9 hits, students across campus are starting to feel the brunt of assignments and exams approaching. For many, morning lectures have become a drag, leading more and more students to boldly proclaim “well, it’s 7PM somewhere” before downing whatever alcohol their weary little hands can get with $7.
Therefore, today a young man became a hero while watching the Raptors choke harder than a kid with a peanut allergy. While unknown to him at the time, the 14 students seated behind him in the second year marketing course were grateful for this hero.
The hero later found to be Will, tried to play it down.
“I’m not a hero. I just have an NBA live account. The true heroes are those who stream it in 8AM lectures.”
This is an important day for Daniel. Daniel, who has been a fan of the Warriors since last year, claims that this allows him to watch games he’s missing out on. This comes regardless of the fact that the only games he’s watched are Sixers games where he spends more time tweeting #SimmonsROY than actually watching.
Meanwhile, his friend Devin, a man who proudly thinks that triple-doubles make you a good basketball player, became a public nuisance to the observing fans
“He would not shut the fuck up” claimed Baron. Devin would continually provide his own commentary but would stumble upon names. At one point even, witnesses say that he referred to Raptors shooting guard Demar DeRozan as “Demarcus Cousins”.
Further back was James, a veteran of sneakily watching the playoffs.
“Here’s the trick: you gotta be subtle about it. Too much attention drawn to it and it’s game over. First thing first, wear sunglasses to disguise the direction your eyes are looking towards. The other tip is not getting too invested. When Lebron hits that open-court windmill, you can’t lose your shit”.
Fortnite players have not achieved the same level of social gratitude yet. A rise of hate crimes online have forced once somewhat respected members of society to be pushed to the fringes. A national survey released recently found that Fortnite players are behind only manga readers in online judgment.
No word yet on if Will is intending to stream the test cricket during the late half of semester 2. However, don’t hold your breath for too long. Sources close to Will has proudly complained that test cricket is “too long”, which is sure to trigger the 5 fans who still have faith in Tim Paine.