Craig is a 19-year-old student who, according to his mother, is a 6.5 GPA student and is spending his Saturday nights studying. This, of course, is all information Craig has told his mum. However, the reality is that Craig is barely scraping by, and as for Saturday nights, spends it throwing up in a gutter after having one too many shots at Retros. Even further, his Facebook is filled with photos of him doing shoeys, smoking pot and thinking it’s cool to have an official photograph as his profile pic.
Craig never was concerned with the consequences of this as he was certain his mother would never see it. However, the recent discovery that his mother has Facebook is of great concern.
While his attempt to decline her request was met with an immediate phone call asking if she’d done something wrong, he faced the reality: he had to accept the request. What happened next can only be described as a feat of desperation.
While he told his mother he had an exam and he would accept it later, Craig rather spent the next hour deleting all incriminating posts from the timeline. This included his dirt bike photos, the vomit covered toga, and pictures with girls that he didn’t want questions to be asked about.
Sources close to Craig said that he went mad. Messaging the group simply called “the boys *fire emoji, beer emoji*”, Craig instructed the boys to “untag me from everything you fuckers”. This obsession continued when Craig even fished his year 12 formal photo, and despite having tried to make a drunken move of his formal date, uploaded the photo.
Ever since then, Craig has been inundated with posts of his mum with excessive use of hashtags and posting GIFS unrelated. Both Craig and his sister Janine are flooding their timeline with InfoWar articles about how Facebook is turning old people into bats, in an attempt to scare her from using Facebook.