“Don’t Worry, I’ll Probably Fail Too” says Student with 6.5 GPA

In the midst of week 11, a group of students have gathered in the library. While they are all stressing about upcoming exams, as well as the results of the semester’s assignments, Brendon (22) has attempted to squash concerns.

Despite being an honours student, already having a post-grad job and sitting on a GPA of 6.5, Brendon assured the group that he too would fail. His claim was met with awkward silence before someone noted his achievements.

“Please, I got lucky, You guys are all so much smarter than me” Brendon reportedly replied with. “Most times I just do enough to pass and I guess it’s enough to get through”.

“Don’t worry. This isn’t like Torts. It’s hard stuff. We’ll all fail” said Brendon, while reading through his 127-page study notes.

Kathleen, a friend of Brendon, took offence to this claim:

“He finished the assignment before most of us started. He reads over cases while in the Botanic Garden. He is more committed than all of us. He needs to get out of here with all that ‘I’m going to fail’ shit.”

This is not the first time this week that the GP Library has heard such bold claims. This is just one in a long list of lies, such as “I’m loving my dual degree”, “I don’t need coffee to survive this semester” and perhaps the boldest, “I had a really productive study session”.

The study group reports that while they don’t consider Brendon an actual friend, his nitpicking of footnotes and argumentative tendencies really pushes them to be better students. This, along with the fact that they’re trying to build connections.

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