A first-year student has today proudly claimed that she doesn’t need to study as she can just “write all the notes on the allocated sheet of paper”. Eliza 18, claims her friends would be complete idiots to do otherwise, ahead of the stressful exam block.
Sat at a desk at the library, Eliza is attempting to prove to her friends that you can easily fit the entire semester of work onto one page. Armed with a multi-click pen and regular mocha, the young student has reportedly been at the library for up to 3 hours. In between Buzzfeed quizzes and trips to Original Kebabs, Eliza has so far made it to week 4, with half a page remaining.
“Why would you waste months and months of studying when you have a legal literal sheet?” the optimistic first-year noted. This is yet another one of Eliza’s innovative ideas, though her track record has made her friends reluctant to believe her. Classed as naive and a little bit thick, Eliza’s ascension to “fuck it” was a lot more sudden than many expected.
Reports to the Stumpy Herald state that Eliza would enjoy the assignment because it was a subject she enjoyed. When that plan fell through, she then noted that the slides would give her all the answers.
Despite not showing up to a single lecture or tutorial, Eliza claimed that she read through the textbook. Upon further investigation, it was found that she had merely skimmed over it, while her mind wondered onto another subject.
A friend of Eliza, Stephen, tried to reason with her, asking how she expects to apply the information within the term to the exam. Bewildered, she merely claimed, “why would I need to apply the logic? As long as I get all the multiple choice questions and get a couple marks on the short response, I’ll be sweet”
Eliza has reportedly been drunk for most of this semester and has, quote “just gotta past the shit to get to the gold”. There is no word yet on whether she understands she has to pass, plus that this is part of her extended degree.