Liberal leader and soon to be Prime Minister Scott Morrison has reportedly barricaded himself inside his office already.
After winning the election 45-40 against Peter Dutton, Morrison has been elected to be the 30th Prime Minister of Australia. After calls for several leadership challenges, Morrison left the Liberal Party room in a very Bradbury-esque manner.
However, after having 2 Prime Ministers (Tony Abbott in 2015 and Turnbull today), Morrison is not taking any chances. In response, Morrison has reportedly locked himself away in his office, looking for new post-political jobs. Morrison hopes that being able to call himself Prime Minister will get him good leverage for potential jobs.
In a phone call to one company, Morrison was reported saying “Look, I can probably start in about 6 months. Yeah, I’ll just become a Labor cuck and drop all my values. That should do the trick”
In addition to Prime Minister, Morrison has also noted on his resume that he was a former Treasurer, MP as well as being the first kid in his class to deny his rich privilege.
Morrison is yet to release a formal statement. Instead, he wrote a note that was slipped under the door. In it, Morrison stated “I’m very excited to be PM of Australia. Now tell Tony Abbott and Peter Dutton to fuck off”.
Malcolm Turnbull, however, has struggled to keep a straight face. When questioned he said:
“Let’s see. I can stay here, get abused by backbenchers and live in a shitty, straight to DVD version of the White House. Or, I can go back to my private lifestyle, eating caviar while sipping on cocktails at my Point Piper mansion. Tough decision”.