Scientists Confirm ‘Bachelor’ Ending, Rising Fuel Prices and Uni Elections are Proof the End is Near

Scientists across Australia have today confirmed that the earth is indeed on a very slippery slope to extinction due to recent events.

After many close encounters, it may finally be a reality. From the Maya calender predicting the world ending in 2012, or Facebook evangelistic predicting the end every fucking week, many apocalypses have been proposed and failed. Now though, is the finale.

Speculation began when Nick “Honey Badger” Cummins fully dogged the girls and decide to go home and rub one out on his own terms. Drawing on from the source of power that is somehow keeping Michael Cheika as the head coach of the Walla-babies, Nick believes that his destiny is to save the world.

While the Bachelor can be considered a one off, the timing of this with a spike in petrol prices has been a concern of scientists. Previously, the highest price category for description of petrol price was “Oh come on what are you doing to me Saudi Arabia?”. However, the recent spark has resulted in the creation of the “Fuck it, I’m buying a bike” category.

Finally though, the timing of all thos with uni elections has completely ruled out any chance of a coincidene. While claiming that none of the parties are at fault, several members from Reach have accused EPIC of rigging the prices of petrol in a series of outdated memes. As for Focus members from UQ, they have reportedly started writing to oil companies to find what their “politican turned board member” package is like.

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