A man today has reminded his friends that “when you’re in Australia, speak English”. Dave, 35, has become fed up with locals not having perfect English.

“I mean you can speak your other shit at home, but this is fucking Australia” says Dave.

Dave is a proud Australian, often claiming that “Australia needs to be more white.” His semi-racist roots were first publicised when he shared a facebook post criticising “snowflakes”.

“I went to Japan last year. They could speak English and they aren’t even white. Why can’t those Muslims do it too?”.

Despite claims he is incredibly Xenophobic, Dave has retorted that he is a “nationalist” and “wants the old Australia back”. Sources close to Dave are convinced he means 1940’s white-Australian policy time.