Reports are coming in that members of the EPIC party have all been rushed to hospital after accidentally shooting themselves in the foot. The accident came after being publically outed and dissed by every student who had previous experience with them. Despite claiming that they and their parents would never need the “gross public system” the emergency surgeries have changed their mind a little.

Although the party kept assuring the QUT student base that they are completely independent, previous photos of senior EPIC officials with Liberal members, as well as past connections from executives past, has lead to a large number of students to cry “bullshit”.

The 2019 campaign, which has become more toxic than Chernobyl, has become littered with mudslinging and bold accusations. University of Queensland senator and the future subject of a Chinese conspiracy Drew Pavlou has made his presence felt by fucking with everyone he wants.

Although the accusation of EPIC being the young libs are completely untrue and this is just some shitposting by a satire page, expect the comments below to be littered with defences from the same people who call progressives “snowflakes”.