Egyptian Army to Guard Pyramids to Avoid Australians Stealing Wrappings of Mummies

With the threat of coronavirus sweeping the world, different people have reacted differently to the threat.

Here in Australia specifically, supermarkets have seen toilet paper flying off the shelves as general morons believe that one of the main symptoms of coronavirus is violently shitting yourself.

With many Australians desperate for toilet paper, the Egyptian government has been on high alert with concerns that many Australians may try and steal the toilet paper like wrapping of Egyptian mummies.

“Firstly, this is absolute madness and we cannot believe that with Google people don’t know that this is not how coronavirus works” said Abdel Fattah el-Sisi.

“But secondly, mummies aren’t even wrapped in toilet paper. It’s actually quite a gritty fabric. You’re essentially wiping your ass with sandpaper”.

The Egyptian President is concerned however that the military is not strong enough to compete against crackheads and racist middle aged mothers.

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